At 2:30 a.m. Central Time on Wednesday, scientist will turn on a particle accelerator called the Large Hadron Collider that lies 328 feet below the Franco-Swiss border. This machine hurls sub-atomic particles at one another at velocities approaching the speed of light. The collisions will create previously unknown particles that will reportedly help the non-creationists understand what happened during the supposed Big Bang. Some scientist believe that the LHC will also create time travel, but opponents say that the effects will create black holes that could swallow earth and destroy mankind.
In other news, comedian Steven Colbert is having his DNA sent to the international space station so that if humanity ceased to exist, then other life forms could replicate him and re-establish mankind. The problem is that the space launch isn't until November. Now, why didn't we plan these two events a little better? We're going to possibly destroy humanity on Wednesday, but we were planning to preserve it in November. It's a good thing that God is in charge because we'd mess everything up!